How do you date a girl!?!
by Becs
Summary: Toby has a problem. He's been asked on a date and because of rumours, he says yes. (Poor guy. He don't want people to know) He gets lessons from Pietro.


Disclaimer: Own Toby and Cookie. Mel too.

A/N - Just in case you didn't get the other message, (I don't mind sending! I want people to see my vision!) if your interested, tell me in the review and I'll send you a piccy of Toby. (Just don't forget to put your e-mail in!)

Jean's friend on Evolution is called Taryn right? Right? If not; *kicks herself*

"Hey look," Taryn said, pointing Toby out to Jean as he walked down the hall to his locker.

"Hold the phone," Jean grinned.

"Ahhhhhh, my daily dose of Toby watching," Taryn sighed. Oblivious to the two girls Toby leant into his locker, reaching for a book at the back.

Jean drew a sharp breath and giggled, her eyes fixed firmly on Toby's ass.

"I heard he totally brushed you off a few nights ago," Taryn said, "you know when you were out with Duncan."

"Yes, well, he _was_ working," Jean said hastily, "and it's not like I need to date _him_." 

"Well then you won't mind if I ask him out," Taryn grinned, walking over to Toby.

"I _had_ to play it cool didn't I?" Jean muttered to herself.

"Hey Toby."

Toby pulled his head out of his locker to find himself face to face with Taryn. "Ahh!" Toby yelped, hopping back.

"Sorry to startle you," Taryn said, twirling a finger in her long hair, "but would you like to, you know, if you're not doing anything, well, would you like to get together sometime?"

"I, ahhh - " Toby began.

'Shit! What do I do!' Toby thought, 'I could just say no, but then there've been rumours going round. A guy who has Jean, Taryn _and_ Mindy crawling at his feet and who's doing absolutely nothing about it is beginning to raise eyebrows. I don't want people to know! It's bad enough that Todd, Freddy and Lance know! And Mel! Okay, Toby, think. Think!'

"Ahhhh, okay?" Toby tried.

"Great!" Taryn beamed, "here's my number," she jotted it on his arm, "call me and we can arrange a time."

"Sure," Toby said, looking at his arm dumbfounded.

"Bye," Taryn waved her hand, "call me!"

This caused several guys to turn their heads, but the turned away when they realised who she was talking to.

'You stupid idiot,' Toby cursed himself, 'stupid Toby stupid. Dumb, idiotic, brainless Toby!What happened to just say no! Just say no!' 

After school 

"Hey Toby!" Lance called after the fire manipulating mutant, "I heard you're going with Taryn. What's up with that?"

"My stupid idea," Toby snapped, "that's what's up with that! God, I should have just said no! But then there've been those rumours and Lance, I don't want people to know about, well, you know."

"Hey, I heard you goin' with Taryn," Pietro said to Toby, zipping up behind Lance and Toby.

"I swear I don't like her!" Toby protested.

"So you going on a date?"

"A date!?!" Toby squeaked, "oh god Lance! A date! I said I'd take her on a date! Help me, I don't know what to do with a girl on a date!"

"Okay Toby, breath," Lance said, raising an eyebrow at the hyperventilating Toby, "just breath. We can help you through this!"

"Well, I can," Pietro grinned, "Lance isn't exactly what you'd call smooth with the ladies."

"I am too!" 

"Lance, you've botched up every single opportunity to get into Kitty's pants! You are _not_ smooth with the ladies."

"Get in her pants!?!" Toby squeaked, "I don't want to get in her pants! Help me!" He grabbed Pietro by the front and began to shake the speedster. 

Saturday 

"Okay," Pietro said, "first lesson, picking her up. Now, usually you wouldn't bring anything to extravagant on a first date, so just something small. A bunch of flowers, something like that."

"What kind of flowers?" Toby asked.

"I don't know! Anything!"

"You mean I have to choose!?! What if I get her something she doesn't like!?! What flowers do girls like Pietro? I thought you were helping! This isn't helping!"

"It's okay Toby," Pietro said, "get her anything."

"TELL ME YOU BASTARD!"

"ROSES!" Pietro yelled, "GET HER SOME FUCKING ROSES! OKAY!?! HAPPY NOW!?!"

"Roses," Toby sighed, "roses. I can do that."

"Good," Pietro said, smoothing his hair back into place, "now, at the door, you give her the flowers and then you - "

"With your right or your left hand?"

"What? What kind of stupid question is that?"

"I don't know! I'm not the one who's straight remember! I don't know if you have some weird code thing going on! This is all alien to me!"

"She's just a girl Toby! Pretty much you date her the same as you would a guy! Hey, I never thought I'd say that. Sounds weird. Like something on a soap opera."

"Pietroooo! Help me!"

"Okay, I think we need some help," Pietro rubbed his chin and sat back in thought.

"Hey Pietro."

"Hey Mel." Pietro's eyes sparked with mischief as an idea popped into his head. "Ohhhhh Meeeeellll!"

"Uh-oh," Mel said.

"Mel. Friend," Pietro smiled, "you want to help poor Toby don't you? He's in a terrible mess, and only you can help."

"Pietro, I've told you before, I don't strip for your friends! And Toby's gay anyway!"

"I don't want you to strip, I want you to help Toby."

"And I do that by?"

"Just sit down."

"Why do I suddenly feel filled with a sense of dread?"

"Beats me. Now sit." Pietro pointed at the chair opposite Toby. Slowly Mel obliged.

"Now, Toby, what do you think you would say to Mel. Pretend she's Taryn."

"Pretend I'm who?"

"Quiet. Go on Toby."

"Ahh, nice weather we're having huh?"

"Toby you moron! Would you say that to a guy you were interested in?"

"No."

"Well why would you say it to Taryn?"

"I don't know! This is what you're meant to be helping me with!"

Pietro put his head in his hands. "Try, just talking to her as if she were a guy."

"I can't! Mel's not a guy! Neither is Taryn."

"Why don't you try talking to me as if I were Pietro?" Mel suggested, "I mean, you like him anyway right? Just say stuff you would say to him."

Toby looked at Pietro then back at Mel, "ahh, okay. I can do that."

"Great," Mel grinned, "now have a go."

Toby shifted in his seat, and turned to look at her. "Well, I know I haven't ever really told you about how I feel. I mean, when I see you I just feel like a thousand tiny Cupids have sprung their arrows on me for like, the millionth time since I first saw you. It's like all those stupid things you never thought were real, love at first sight, feeling woozy when you go by, that stuff, it's like they all suddenly make sense. I know where people in love are coming from. Cause that's exactly how I feel." Toby paused and looked at Pietro, who was just staring at him in amazement, "I guess that's it."

"That was _so_ beautiful!" Mel said, "my god Pietro you're a moron! He could be all yours! All yours!" She pointed at Toby with each sentence, to stress her point even more. "I wish you were straight Toby. I really, really wish you were straight!" 

"If I was straight I wouldn't be in this fucking mess!" Toby yelled, "I wouldn't be telling you guys my innermost secrets just so that I could understand what it's like to romance a girl! And the only reason I'm doing that is because I don't want people to know I'm not straight! It's a cruel and vicious cycle!"

"I need to lie down," Pietro murmured, "for the rest of the day." The speedster moved out of the room in an almost zombie-like manner.

"Oh great!" Toby snapped, "now he's going to feel uncomfortable around me for the rest of his life! I had to actually say that didn't I? It's bad enough that I've kissed him, but then I had to go and tell him the kind of shit you only hear in Romance films. I'm going to just go on this stupid date, tell Taryn whatever the hell I feel like telling her and then tell her that the date was great but I'm just not ready for a serious relationship. If that doesn't work I'll tell her I'm actually engaged to a psychotic hula girl in Hawaii."

"What ever works for you," Mel said.

"Don't fuck with me Mel, I'm _not_ in the mood."

"I can tell," Mel said dryly, "if you weren't a guy I would swear you had PMS."

"I'm going to buy a _huge_ bar of chocolate!" Toby shouted as he left the room, "and I'm _not_ sharing it when I come back!"

"Awwwww!" came Freddy's voice from somewhere in the house. 

Sunday, the big date 

Toby pulled himself out of bed at 10:00. Usually he wouldn't sleep in this late but then, he didn't really want to get up. He kinda figured that, if he stayed in bed the whole day, it would still classify as morning, and then he wouldn't have to go pick up Taryn.

"Morning," Lance grinned as Toby came down, dressed finally, although his hair was still a mess.

"Shut up," Toby scowled, grabbing the pot of coffee and pouring himself a large cup.

"Cranky, remind me not to talk to you before you've had your caffeine fix."

"I don't get cranky if I don't have caffeine!" Toby objected, "I just don't want to go out with Taryn!"

"So today's the big day huh? Luck go with ya. You'll need it with hair like that."

"Ooh, so quick off the ball this morning," Toby said sarcastically.

"Okay, if you're just gonna stand there and insult me all morning just because you gotta go date Taryn, I'm gonna leave."

Toby scowled at him over the coffee. Hey took a huge gulp and immediately spat it out. "TODD YOU MORON! IF YOU EVER STICK SLIME IN MY COFFEE AGAIN I'LL RIP YOUR TONGUE OUT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" 

Pietro, who had just been entering the kitchen turned back around, "I'm leaving. Toby's turned dragon again."

"In more ways than one," Lance commented as he watched Toby snatch a cup of cold coffee from the fridge and create a fireball in one hand whilst he held the coffee over it.

"Stupid Todd," Toby growled, "mess with my coffee and I'll kick your ass. Stupid Taryn. Stupid, Taryn _and_ Todd. Hate them both."

"Okay, I'm definitely leaving," Pietro said.

"Me too," Lance nodded, cautiously getting out of his seat and following the speedster.

Toby just leaned against the bench in his favourite jeans and forest green sweater, sipping coffee and glaring at anyone who came into the kitchen.

Later 

'I hate this stupid date,' Toby mentally cursed the brunette who was clinging to his arm.

"Ooh Toby look at the cute toys!" Taryn smiled, "can you win me one? Please?"

"Whatever," Toby muttered, stepping up to the booth. "Give me 5 arrows please," he said as he slapped the money on the make-shift counter. The guy in charge gave him the arrows and a bow and Toby fitted the arrow into the bow. He'd been doing this one since he was 10 so it would be an easy win. He pulled the string back to his ear, checked his aim, and fired.

"Nice," the guy in charge said as Toby hit an almost perfect bull's eye.

"Been doing it a while," Toby murmured.

"Well you won the toy for your girl," the guy grinned, "I guess you won't need the rest." He moved to pick up the rest of the arrows.

"Do you mind if I just shoot the rest?" Toby asked, he checked to see that Taryn, busy with her new soft toy, wasn't listening, "my date ain't going that well."

"Gotcha," the guy at the counter smiled, "go right ahead."

"Thanks."

After Toby had wasted as much time as possible at the booth, Taryn pulled him onto the Ferris Wheel. He was enjoying the view until he spotted Duncan, up in front with a blonde. They weren't exactly enjoying the ride quite the way everyone else was.

"Oh god," Toby muttered, hiding his eyes as the blonde forced her way onto Duncan's lap, the football player laughing as she nibbled his ear.

'Please don't notice,' Toby pleaded, 'please don't notice. Please!'

"Isn't that Duncan?" Taryn asked.

'I hate my life,' Toby cursed, 'I thought this couldn't get worse. I was wrong.'

"Oh my god it is Duncan!" Taryn gasped. She turned to Toby and traced a finger along his cheek, "pity your such a gentleman. If I gave you the okay, would you mind playing copycat?" She eyed Toby from beneath her eyelashes.

Toby blushed crimson. "I-I," he stammered.

"I don't mind," Taryn smiled, easing onto Toby's lap.

"Ahhh, Taryn I don't think we should, AHH! Don't touch me there!"

"Why?" Taryn blinked slowly at him, "don't you like it?"

"Stop it!" Toby said. She ignored him, "I said stop it!" Before Toby could stop himself he reacted by doing what most girls do in that situation. He slapped Taryn across the face.

"Y-You slapped me!" Taryn gaped a hand to her cheek.

"I'm sorry!" Toby apologised, "but you weren't listening!"

"You _slapped_ me!" Taryn repeated.

"You groped me!" Toby shot back.

"But you _slapped _me!" Taryn said again.

"It was in self defence!" Toby objected, "I didn't do it hard. I think. Sorry if I hurt you Taryn, really."

"What's the matter with you!?!" Taryn was in hysterics, "I thought guys liked it when you did that shit!"

"Not when it doesn't mean anything!" Toby shot back, "well, I don't like it if it doesn't mean anything. Taryn, I don't want to see you anymore. I think we're too different."

"Too different!" Taryn yelled. The ride was moving down again.

"Hey! Shut up up there!" Duncan yelled, "you're killing the mood!"

"I can't get dumped," Taryn was murmuring to herself, "I never get dumped. This is so wrong!"

"I want off!" Toby yelled as he neared the operator of the Ferris Wheel.

"Huh?"

"I WANT OFF!" Toby yelled.

"Sure buddy, whatever." The ride creaked to a halt. Toby leapt out, leaving Taryn sitting in the seat, all alone. 

"I can't get dumped," Taryn was still saying, "not me!"

"Sorry it didn't work out Taryn," Toby said as the ride started up again.

"TOBY YOU CAN'T DUMP ME!" Taryn yelled at the top of her lungs. She turned bright red and covered her mouth with her hands when she realised about half the population of Bayville High School were looking at her.

"I need some cotton candy," Toby muttered.

Back at the Brotherhood house 

"So, how was the date?" Lance asked. The rest of the Brotherhood looked up too as Toby entered the house. 

"I slapped her," Toby said.

"You what?" Todd gaped.

"I slapped her."

"Why on Earth did you do that?" Lance asked.

"She groped me and I panicked. That's about when I slapped her."

"You _slapped _Taryn!?!" Freddy gasped.

"I need a hug!" Toby wailed, "I've been violated!"

"It's okay Toby," Todd patted the black-haired mutant on the back, "we'll get out some vids and buy heaps of chocolate. Chocolate always cheers you up."

"Can it be the kind with Almonds in it?" 

"Any kind you want," Lance smiled.

"And can we get out 'Interview with the Vampire' again?"

"Again!?!" Pietro said, "what is it with you and that movie? You must have watched it about 10 times!"

"20."

"Yes, I suppose we can get that movie out," Lance sighed, "as long as we get to choose one too."

"Thanks guys." Toby smiled gratefully. 


End file.
